Being Too Nice

Can being too nice be a problem?

The answer is- absolutely.

Being caring and compassionate is one thing, but allowing people to take advantage of you, or overextending yourself to others, is an indication of a more serious problem. Having poor boundaries can wear at a person’s concept of worthiness and value, and lead to poor self-esteem issues. In extreme cases, it can result in depression, anxiety, deep resentments, explosive anger, or feelings of loneliness and isolation.

So what can be done?

Well, for starters, learn to recognize your reasons for doing things. If you’re choosing to do something out of a sense of obligation, a desire for approval or appreciation, or out of fear of upsetting someone or not being liked, chances are it is a boundary issue.

Saying “no” is a crucial part in learning to set boundaries. It can feel uncomfortable at first, but can make a big difference and over time can provide a healthy sense of empowerment.

Another important part of setting healthy boundaries is speaking up. Being assertive and letting others know how you feel in clear “I” statements is a major component to rebuilding self-esteem and setting boundaries. Dismissing your feelings for the sake of others is not doing you or them any favors.

Remember that not devaluing your needs is a necessary step to building and maintaining confidence.

If you are struggling with learning how to set healthy boundaries or are having issues with self-esteem, therapy can help.