My Journey With EMDR Therapy
I was 9 years old when I faced a very painful self-esteem-shattering experience. It happened when my 4th grade teacher completely humiliated me in front of my entire class. 20 students, laughing and pointing fingers at me. It felt like a terrible nightmare- except it was real. In that moment, I felt utterly alone, left in a state of absolute shock and complete shame. Although I managed to get through the rest of that year, I ended up developing symptoms of acute stress disorder, which were compounded by another experience that summer where I felt helpless and powerless. The feelings of fear and panic that resulted from my post-traumatic symptoms made it difficult for me to feel safe in places where I usually felt safe, and I found myself feeling anxious and having moments of distress that I couldn’t really understand (and neither could my mom). Luckily, once I made it to 5th grade, made new friends and gained some self-confidence, my symptoms disappeared and I was able to move on and enjoy the rest of my childhood. I never actually healed from the experience though; I only stuffed it down, deep into my subconscious. It’s like my brain put the memory away in a deeply hidden filing cabinet in my mind, in the “I’ll deal with you someday, maybe never” pile so that I never had to consciously think of it again. As I moved into my teenage and adult years however, I struggled with generalized anxiety and symptoms of depression that I never connected to the experience. As I look back, I have no doubt now that this humiliating incident contributed to my struggles. It wasn’t until I participated in an EMDR session to work on my anxiety symptoms that I realized how much I suppressed the experience, how painful it actually was, and how it negatively affected my self-esteem and self-worth. EMDR was a life-changing experience for me and it’s where my dream of helping other people heal their past began.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and it is an evidence-based treatment modality for treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or any post traumatic symptoms resulting from an upsetting or disturbing experience. It utilizes alternating, rhythmic tapping, auditory tones, or side-to-side eye movements facilitated by a trained EMDR therapist, while the client brings up the distressing memory in their mind.
How does it work?
The human brain has a natural ability to heal from painful experiences, sort of like your body heals after an injury. Sometimes a traumatic memory is blocked or “stuck” from resolving because of the nervous systems’ instinctive stress response. This puts the brakes on your ability to process the incident, in order to avoid becoming too overwhelmed or flooded with the fight, flight or freeze response. With EMDR, your mind is better able to think about the experience without becoming disoriented or re-living the past. It allows your mind to be aware of where you are and anchors you to the present experience using the physical stimulation of taps, auditory tones, or eye movements. Then, your mind can actually digest the memory fully, and without activation of the nervous system.
What are EMDR therapy sessions actually like?
EMDR therapy is a complete treatment experience where you work on fully eliminating symptoms of trauma associated with past experiences, present triggers and future scenarios. The EMDR therapist will follow 8 phases of treatment that may take many sessions averaging 60-90 minutes each, and include:
History Taking and Treatment Planning: The therapist takes a full history of the problem/trauma and identifies treatment goals
Preparation: The therapist assists the client in preparing mentally and emotionally for trauma work. This can involve learning self-calming skills, or working on feeling “safe” enough to do the intense work.
Assessment: The therapist will ask you to think about the traumatic memory and identify the image, negative belief, and bodily sensation associated with it, and have you describe your level of disturbance on a 0-10 scale. You would also identify a positive belief that you would prefer to believe about the situation, as a guideline for the therapist and client to know when the memory is resolved.
Desensitization: The therapist begins utilizing rhythmic tapping, auditory tones, or eye movements as you think of the memory. The therapist will stop every so often for a check-in to allow you to briefly describe what you notice in your thoughts, feelings and sensations. Many times in this phase, other associations and memories may arise and can lead to connections, insights, and deep understandings about yourself that you may have never realized prior to processing the experience, along with a decrease in levels of disturbance to a 0 (or as close to 0 as you can get) on the scale.
Installation: In this phase, distress related to the event feels resolved and positive thoughts about the self and the situation arise. A positive belief is attached to the event and scaled on a 1-7 scale (1 being the statement feels completely false to you, 7 being the statement feels completely true).
Body Scan: In this phase, the therapist will ask you to scan your body while thinking of the traumatic event matched with the preferred positive belief, making sure no unpleasant residual physical symptoms remain in the body in relation to the memory.
Closure: The therapist makes sure the session ends with the client feeling better then when they walked in. This may involve using calming exercises, discussing what was learned, and being briefed on what to expect outside of sessions.
Reevaluation: Every session, the therapist checks on the traumatic event that was reprocessed to make sure it has been fully resolved. Alleviation or changes of symptoms are reviewed, and changes to treatment goals may occur if new symptoms, associations, or memories come up that need to be focused on.
Resolving my painful experiences has catapulted me into becoming the trauma specialist that I am today. I didn’t even realize that the terrible experience in 4th grade had such a negative effect on me. It was leading to anxiety attacks, low confidence, and poor self-esteem throughout my life, until I participated in that EMDR session. It was like all the thoughts, feelings, sensations, and beliefs that I had as a nine-year-old came flooding back, and I could finally digest what actually happened. Yes, I sobbed during the session, but I also finally expressed and released feelings of anger I subconsciously held on to. I also no longer believed that I was “bad.” I felt like I got closure and left the session feeling calm, free, and with more compassion for myself then ever before. After that session, my generalized anxiety symptoms dissipated. I felt less fear towards authority figures, and more confidence in myself. I no longer felt so small. With lots of hours of training and supervision, I became a Certified EMDR Therapist and have witnessed the amazing results of EMDR with many clients. I don’t want anyone else to have to suffer and feel that they can never escape from their trauma and post-traumatic symptoms because I know healing is possible. I’ve lived it, and get to witness it through the clients that I work with. The only thing left to say is that EMDR is pretty, freaking cool.
For even more thorough information on EMDR therapy you can check out the official website for EMDR at www.emdria.org. It is important to make sure that if you’re considering EMDR therapy, you work with a therapist who has been formally trained. All of our therapists at Trauma Counseling of Florida are Certified in EMDR and ready to help you release the pain of your past.
Written by Paige Shiffman
Paige is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Certified EMDR Therapist at Trauma Counseling of Florida
