“Why Can’t I Get Over This?” - Understanding Small ‘t’ Trauma
When thinking about traumatic incidents, most people bring to mind what therapists refer to as “big ‘T’ traumas.” Big ‘T’ traumas are major incidents such as physical or sexual assault, experiences in war, natural disasters, serious injury, or other life-threatening events. These situations are often associated with PTSD, feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, or lack of control. Big ‘T’ traumas are usually recognized easily by the survivor as well as those who know about the events. Although big ‘T’ traumas are generally considered some of the most debilitating experiences that a person can endure, experiencing multiple or recurring painful incidents (or small ‘t’ traumas) can affect a person just as significantly.
Small ‘t’ traumas are distressing events that impact someone on a more personal level, and do not fall into the big ‘T’ category. Small ‘t’ traumas can be almost anything that feels emotionally distressing to someone.
Here are some common small ‘t’ traumas:
Being regularly criticized by a person whose opinion you value (parent, spouse, boss, teacher, mentor, babysitter, etc.)
Feeling neglected by a caretaker, whether due to emotional unavailability or physical circumstance.
Being cheated on by a romantic partner.
Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship.
Losing a life goal due to unforeseen circumstances including injury or medical diagnosis.
Difficulty conceiving children.
Miscarriages or abortions (personally or your partner’s).
Financial or housing insecurity.
Profound disappointment.
Being bullied, made fun of, or judged by peers.
Moving to a new location where you feel alone or disconnected.
Difficulties at school due to learning disabilities.
The loss of a pet.
Being the caretaker of a chronically ill or dying loved one.
One of the keys to recognizing a small ‘t’ trauma is to examine the impacts it has on the individual rather than focusing on the event itself. Small ‘t’ traumas can be more difficult for people to pinpoint as they are very subjective. What one person finds distressing may not cause the same emotional response in someone else. They can often be overlooked by the individual due to the tendency to rationalize the experience as common. The individual may internalize feelings of shame for not moving past the situation and may ask themselves questions such as: “why is this bothering me so much?” or “why can’t I get over this?” They may assume that their response to the events is nothing more than an overreaction or a reflection on their strength. It is important to note that feeling affected by small ‘t’ trauma is in no way an indication of weakness or lack of resilience.
Small ‘t’ traumas tend to have a cumulative effect. While one small ‘t’ trauma may not lead to significant distress, multiple compounded small ‘t’ traumas are more likely to lead to an increase in distress. Small ‘t’ traumas, especially in early childhood, have a tendency to negatively impact a person’s core beliefs about themselves and the world around them. This can cause trouble with emotional functioning and negatively skew life and relationship decisions.
Evidence-based trauma-focused therapy such as EMDR therapy and cognitive-processing therapy are effective in reducing, if not eliminating, the distress brought on by trauma. When addressing small ‘t’ traumas, the goal is not to avoid or minimize the significance of the events, but instead to face them head-on and address the distress and core beliefs that are contributing to the feeling of being “stuck.” If you are struggling with trauma, big or small, psychotherapy can help in reducing distress while simultaneously increasing quality of life.
